My Days Inn Clerk in 2020

Unlucky Drug Dealers
The "Medical Meth Act of 2014"
I did not hear about that
Not on Yahoo
Not on Bing
Google?

Seems I recall being outraged by the odor of urine in a certain hotel chain. Later, the Air Force girlfriend a.k.a. “The Colonel’s Daughter,” checked-out of a hotel for the same reason. The hotel? It was where my ex-wife found herself with a gun to her head. Seems three Negro gentlemen wanted to get in the safe. They were accommodated, and went out the back door. “Of course I cried,” she said, in 1972.

Oh, how many of you long for the days of simpler crimes and less complex criminals? For example, many said, with a weapon in hand, “We’re going to Cuba” and were accommodated. Today, you can travel there legally & cheaply, but there is no crime, no foul when the TSA flunkies grope, insult you, and put you in a little room for 20 questions for basically no reason.

Are you telling me girlie-men and lesbians with attitude and big breasts are refusing the airport scanner I invented sitting under a California tree in 2009? People, why would they want to save the data of your fat ass? Maybe they do, because this government of yours does whatever it wants.

The big Tom-Tom Jefferson con_stitution? I’m a Madison fan, and did not live in Madison? Baby, I went out back to spit and see if Uncle Ralph’s Buffalo, NY story was true. Sure as police dog shit, the spittle froze before it hit the ground. At what temperature, radiant floor heat fans? Forty Two (-42) Degrees below zero. That’s cold! The pipes did not freeze, and Hughes mastered the boiler in the basement, not on a ship at sea.

The plan I can’t execute, fans? [I know no bail bondsman] Why not make some threats to the fibi informer? They will arrest you. Be nice to the judge and jailers. Get out in 3 years or so. Go to the halfway house. Sister Holy Water will get you a job as a hotel desk clerk. Later, get promoted to Regional Manager. Later still, buy the hotel chain. When a traveler asks, “Where ‘ya from?” say “Pakistan.” I thought I was from Saint Louis. Lucky I am that will prove to be incorrect. Dollar Tree? My kingdom for a ride to the Dollar Tree!

 

 "Trying to steal a Wall Street Journal, eh? Get up slowly and give us the paper!"