Happy New Year, Audrey!
07-14-2015
William C. Hughes
216 Nagel Avenue
St. Louis, MO 63111
Federal
Communications Commission
445 12th
Street SW
Washington, D.C. 20554
Dear Commissioners:
As I told Mr. Beck
on the phone yesterday (See attached letter to Emmis Broadcasting), I heard
Howard Stern as a young guy on a New York City radio station before he was
“big-time” and said, “That guy is funny.” Am I showing my age? The situation at
that juncture was a car radio in an out of gas Cadillac stopped in a New York
borough. Back then, there was a “pay phone.” Back then, I was allowed to shout,
curse, and say, “How the hell did you run out of gas in a shitty neighborhood?
We are going to get mugged and killed!”
This did not occur,
but I was later accused of being “paranoid” after hearing an explicit Greenwich
Village death threat in some stupid hippie boutique. The tradition has
continued with St. Louis black males on Metrobuses specifying the caliber of
firearms they intend to use to shoot me with. As my supervisor at Cornell University
said, “This is not okay,” which brings me to 105.7 in St. Louis, known locally
as “The Point,” and KSHE 94.7, “The Rock of St. Louis.”
A. VIOLENT LYRICS
I did not marry
Tipper Gore$, but I am allowed to
object when I hear songs about a “Pocket full of shells,” and I’m afraid the
recording artist played too often on KPNT is not referring to pasta.
Killing – killing – killing. Why not glorify it in movies and on the radio,
then wonder why the silver Mustang moron shot people in Chattanooga before I
could finish this letter. You would think JOHN BECK, the manager KPNT DJ youth
refer to as “The boss” would have more discretion. Playlist? The content of the
songs may be legal, and we’ve covered all this previously regarding Hollywood,
but that was way before the shooter can call his buddies on a pod very quickly.
Get it? I’m almost sorry I do.
B. RACIST A.M. CHATTER
Race relations in
St. Louis? May I have a generic Excedrin®? FCC, I am white, have worked with
many “Persons of color” and speak poorly of them in the privacy of my home, not
on the radio. How can these idiots on “The Rizzo Show” not be fired
immediately? I almost worked in radio, like airline captain, movie director,
record producer, lawyer, and…what stopped the DJ job? 1. A high voice like
Howard Hughes; 2. I flubbed the news copy every time, and 3. My engineering
skills were appreciated only by the Sports Department, many of whom went on to
places like ESPN, not me. The real reason? My step-grandfather said this of the
radio business: “That’s a nice racket.” Before that, my sound engineering
mentor said, “The Mafia decides what goes in that jukebox.” I understood, and
planned on a PhD in Political Science that never happened. Given I know the
business, after they were terminated, one jock would say, “Dude, I’ve already
got a shift in Detroit.” And the other? “Sold the house yesterday,” because
they know how it works. So do I.
C. MY SEX LIFE IS ON THE RADIO
To paraphrase a
shady intelligence operative, “I like sex as well as the next guy,” but if the
morning show morons are putting real cheaters on the air and the wife, husband,
or trisexual transgendered life partner hears it, a crime of passion is a
distinct possibility, don’t you agree? This complainant has been blessed with
long tours of duty in Wisconsin, New York, and California, but take it from a
St. Louis person when I note generations of undercover cops in this area have
sprung to action when someone in a bar says, “Could you whack my wife for a
small fee?” The local paper changes only the names and dates when the guy is
arrested.
D. BROADCASTS OF REFERENCE
Here, as an
experienced mental health professional, I’m inventing new terms, so bear with
me. This allegation is mainly against KSHE’s LERN COLVIN and veteran who should
know better, JOHN ULETT. The chatter begins as joking, but then, like a pot
smoker up too late, a “message” is delivered via a song title, lyric, or my
least favorite method, a number. For example, the classic song of the day on
KSHE is rated by listeners using numbers, and text message sending kooks
mentioned on the air have some way too interesting “handles.” For example, this
simulated content could cause a mass murder-suicide. It would go like this:
“Mister Machine Gun gave ‘Look that Kills’ a ten, Lern. Well John, B-52 Cowboy
gave it a five.” And? Some meth freak thinks it’s a “Message from God” and
heads to the police station with his illegal weaponry he’s been collecting for
the end of the world, confederate uprising, or the return of Comet Kahotek. Get
it? This is dangerous, Commissioners!
D. DIRECT “SPOOKY
SPEECH” TO IDIOTS WHO MIGHT HAVE GUNS
It is a fact KSHE DJ
“Lern” spoke to the complainer named Hughes at length when he was standing
around “Homeless” at the corner of Main & Cesar Chavez. KLOS? Their LA
staffers Jordan and Sami were good A.M. company until Sami tuned surly and
said, (of Lern Colvin), “Why would a DJ drive you anywhere?” Maybe because I’m
the wealthiest son of a bitch on Earth, but when that is legally established,
I’ll sit in an ornate EU hotel room, like Howard Hughes. All are welcome to
come up the fire escape stairs and be shot by bodyguards who speak choppy
English. U.S. government-sponsored torture and terror since 2002? Enough!
As for KPNT’s
resident health nut “Lux,” she texted back to the complainant with remarks that
both confirmed Bill Hughes’ “Howard’s a relative” allegation and implied Lern
Colvin agreed. This buys lunch? No, it does not. By the way, this Samsung phone
is not being stolen or examined by Gestapo-like cops. Shocking it is
that Lux would announce her whereabouts on barstools for nutcases to approach.
Is she a vice cop on the side? The vice cop who approached this Hughes in
California was really from Italy, spoke good English, and here is how it went:
Q: “What do you wear while you are working?” A: “Not much.” Need more? See me
in Iowa as we all wonder who made Donald Trump’s hairpiece.
But first, here is
what each of these women said to an open on-air microphone:
LUX: “It’s a trap!”
[216 Nagel Avenue is renown for what?]
LERN: “I’m going to
the ‘Kill Bill’ benefit.”^
For an explanation
of the latter remark, I fear many lawyers will be involved.
War,
$ This is a political joke,
young man. Give the first name of Tipper’s husband, and a free cruise is yours
when you call 314-969-DUDE. Audit the contests, please. Is this too much to
ask?
^ Beck is not required to keep digital audio
of this crap? Perhaps Stalinist regulations are needed. Do I have to write them
for you?
