Jerry’s CIA: I Passed on That

Bristol had my baby!

No legal recourse? 

~ ~WHY NOT JEB?~ ~

Why does Jerry Ford have two presidential libraries? His people can pay for them, I suppose. I’d like to go to one of them, if I am ever allowed to drive a motor vehicle again. “The best president you/they ever had” I will allege when I get to the EU. As for the rest, I think there are plenty of loose women in the very 1990’s “Internet Café” who will want to hear me relentlessly trash them up.

As for the 2016 circus, I’d say the GOP had better promote someone from the kiddie card table fast. Democrats? I have no interest in reading anyone’s e-mail, including Hillary’s. [This includes most of the e-mail addressed to me these days].

So bored is this Hughes, psychic energy is wasted feeling sorry for Jeb Bush. Governor of Florida. Daddy and brother were allowed to be president. And? What’s the problem with Jeb? Has he ever done a bad thing in his life? (Besides smoke pot?) Probably not, which is the trouble, I believe.

Perhaps he should be found naked in a Jacuzzi with a Kardashian. Appear on a TV show and curse. Smoke cigs and be photographed. Wreck a car at high speed, and make up a story. Get a big tattoo. Do something, Jeb!

My free advice is, hide in a sleazy motel room and save all of the money for Super Tuesday, or whatever they call it these days. Buy tons of ads. Pay no attention to bully boy Trump. Sound intellectual, and don’t lose your place in the middle of big policy speeches. Go to George’s Crawford ranch and help cut down the brush. Shoot tin cans with a big gun. Get it?

As the nose raises higher in the air, suggest Rubio is sweaty on-camera, and behaves much like a weasel, because there is some sort of impropriety in his family, like the pretty wife has taken up residence with a local Volvo mechanic. Wheel out the mud and toss, but keep it short and witty. And by all means, get on TV with the National Review editors to tell them how wise they really are.

That should do it! And the Hughes saying of the day is: “As a young man I subscribed to The Nation, and read National Review at the library. By age 50, the arrangements reversed.” I became more “conservative?” No, you all went bonkers.

“Tonight, the Vanderbilt film library custodian is here with us, and we’ll feature new video of Richard Nixon pelted with garbage while the Secret Service stands around flatfooted. Later, David Koresh’s relatives will be here to talk about the Branch Dividian malfunctioning sprinkler system, and their lengthy lawsuit against Janet Reno. We welcome our new station in Bismarck, North Dakota, where despite climate change, it gets very…