All Illuminati, All the Time

A big crack-up on I-610 in Texas? Please, let us die honorably, Mr. Bruce. That plan on the green pickup truck lacked not a thing. When will they be back?


Not So Great Moments in American History:
She said: "Don't steal my flyers."
Hughes said: "Blah, blah, blah."
What?
IT'S THE MOTHER OF ALL CLASS ACTION SUITS, ED.
I said, over my a.m. coffee, "Aw those Kennedys. Sending in drunks to start fights. Not terribly original, but it does stir it up. Old school as well."


May I look-up Ken's address now? Not that Ken!


Dear Ask-a-Spy:
"When the fit fitness instructor, a female, calls you 'Ken,' what does it mean? Should I ask for her cell phone number?"

I can hear the pin drop in Charlotte if I get the f___ out of here. I'm writing the speech, Mr. President. Teleprompter? No way! It will be just me, Almighty God, and the whir of a big-assed Trane or Carrier convention hall air conditioner, right? May I wink at the Fox News booth? it won't mean anything.
Ever give a speech, pilgrim? When the audience looks like a painting, you're doing well. The Democrats, I predict, would either be too stunned to react (clap/boo), or the Charlotte cops will be coming for me. You can watch on TV.

Hughes said: "Any more new rules today?"
She said: "No." {And, our All-American Lutheran Jill will make the photocopies tonight. Got yellow legal pads? Got filler paper? Got a notebook? Affirmative an all systems. Go!}


Did I mention you will be justifiably homicided if you try to take my screenplay sitting on the GSAC patio? Two reliable sources have already told me I'm to be murdered over it. Me? call the cops? Surely you jest! "May I use your cellphone to call the Seattle Secret Service office?" No? What I'm saying is, "They run like rodents with their tails on fire." I really, really don't know why.


Help! I'm turning into a spy! That rescue lady is not getting what she wants. How about some log lines? Book outline? She can have 15%, and the agent gets 10% Mother of God, I'm Howard's grandson and the mafia billiard room said I may wear their gifted sweatpants in a hotel room? You think you're stopping that? Think again, buddy. BTW, what is the log line for hughesscreenply#9? May I think? May I be murdered in the Best Western? So much more dignified. How does Pay Pal work? How can dumb anarchists make a living off it? It must be easy enough. Does McClellan know I finally figured out how a plane stays in the air from an NTSB accident report when it unfortunately did not? His book is ready and mine is...? Not right! I'll see you at the old same Denny's, pal.