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Howard doesn't look like Bill Hughes? Are you nuts?

03-17-2016

Villa –

I suppose they are preparing for drunken St. Pat’s festivities by BANGING on the dumpster once more. May I ask Ed Roth to get it out from underneath my window? Thanks! That BANG BANG BANG sure adds to the creative process for writers, but fortunately, my startle response threshold is high.

Let me count the reasons our dumpster should move before I do:

1. A certain neighbor likes to shout about some sort of “revolution” as he bangs. Maybe he saw my bumper-sticker from 2008 New Hampshire. Every last one of them was confiscated, but I still have an image of it. Steal! Steal! Steal!

2. I have observed odd people who somehow have old pickup trucks and permission to legally operate a motor vehicle go through every last scrap of paper in said dumpster. Nothing illegal about that—except blocking the alley for hours.

3. I have further observed the biggest Pit Bull I’ve ever seen running around our dumpster with no leash. Since when is this legal?

4. As I told my drunken maintenance man, it’s like a military mission at zero dark thirty to empty the trash. Why? People run up the alley and try to “goose” trash dumpers in the night. (Very odd neighborhood traditions down here).

5. The dumpster lids were ripped off by malcontents awhile back. If you are plenty nuts and need a BJCBH* referral, you might think it means something when the original lids were black, the replacements gray. (The dealer is gone from Maplewood where I test drove a gray car. When I selected a black Ford instead, the saleswoman nearly fainted. She also offered me her husband when she was “done” with him. Golly, I wish I could find her business card).

6. On missions to a dumpster to the North, I’ve found lots of unspoiled junk. My missing apartment in Clayton had several high quality pieces from the 63105 alley for free. Free furniture!! Now, if I could only find the lawyer who sat at my kitchen table as part of fighting off a lawsuit filed against me by a famous Saint Louis family. This bankrupted AIG, not whatever was reported in the WSJ.    

*Barnes Jewish Behavioral Health (They threatened to put Trump in the psych ward. No kidding!)