I-44 West--Not O.K.

We're headed to Cali-fornia--to have whatever is left ripped-off. Some things never change.

Worried about "One World Government?" I don't need any medication, but if this concept keeps you awake at night, you might. Yes snoop dogs, the German lady said, after a long time, "You're alright." The classic rock today, in honor of this 03.24.11 event, is from Munich. Oh, that Soldier Boy's Internet!I have a Google coupon worth $75 that expires on 03.31.11, but I'm not sure of the "fine print." Air Traffic Control audio today is from Calgary, in Canada, and I will surely switch to JFK later, because I love the very obviously black controller who, as the family said, "Lays down the law." And, don't I love the sassy black female in Chitown, I believe, who dares speak sort of unprofessionally in saying stuff like, "Hurry it up sir," and I actually heard, "Get that plane out of the way!"

All-time ATC faves, before you murder me (and do not use the "P-word," or I will put YOU on 72 hour loony hold) have been the Tulsa flyguy who sounded exactly like the Dr. Stangelove character (it's a message, worldwide media, but don't quote me, as I am just Howard Hughes' grandson). And, you can't beat the, "We're stuck," and the next flight in says, "We'll take a look," presumably to determine why. You don't hear this with Bose noise-canceling headphones on, and the airline mag in your lap. The ulitmate, if it was even real:

PILOT #1: "Hey, there's vapor coming from that guy's engine."
TOWER: Roger.
TOWER: "Sir, are you declaring an emergency?"
PILOT #2: "No."

SPIES, IT'S ANOTHER "Hughes-Related Inside Joke"

"What? What does he mean?"

KEY WORDS: "Vapor" & the very pissed-off "No." Get to work!

Q: "Why did Hughes look for a photo of the Moline Acres, Missouri Police Department, and get a White Barn Burger pic?

A: "Don't know."

Q: "Why didn't Charlie allow William on the White Palace set?"

A: "Don't know; possibly for William V's personal safety."

Q: "Where did the president's plane crash in Escape From New York?"
A: "Downtown St. Louis, Missouri. Ask KMOX's Charlie Brennan. He knows everything."
Q: "Has Hughes walked past the home of Kurt Russel's mom?"
A: "Yes; more than once."
Q: "Why did you come to California, Mr. Hughes?"
A: "Not to walk past the childhood house of an actor, or look up Lohan's skirt, but I did. These are the facts."
Q: "Did you enjoy the latter?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "Did someone ask if Paris Hilton is good looking?"
A: "Yes, and I confirmed this fact."
Q: "What is your mental health assessment of Charlie Sheen's recent behavior?"
A: "Get drunk, take speed. Or, do meth, start drinking. It's very popular out here."
Q: That's all?"
A: "Yes, and it is very helpful to me, because I am just not nuts."
Q: "No bipolar disorder?"
A: "No."
Q: "Are there really records of a hospitalization?"
A: "Yes. I was sane as the day is long."
Q: "Why did it happen?"
A: "If you strongly suspect daddy is Howard Hughes' son, and do not engage in criminal activity, the intelligence community "they" had to do something, and it is oh so Soviet to allege mental disorder. Heard of America's gulags? The Scientologists, who I do not agree with generally, have a point on the mental health system. It stinks, and I know that, because I worked in the system for twenty years. Do not even dare argue with me."