Not Worth a Buck ($1.00)

Let's go to Costco. The one by the motel in Maryland that got razed after I was there with..."they" do that a lot. Who are they? ding, ding

"They" know a lot, such as the details of my two non-encounters with a NH "Platinum Blond" at four a.m. in the driveway of [Flying saucers! Flying DARPA triangles!]

"They" knew I can do it too, with absolutely no training beyond, "Billy, spell the words right. Billy, always make your handwriting is neat. Bill, always make your signature is legible." Gee, why was that advice dished? You may wish to inquire at all of the Swiss bank numbers that end in "91." I need quarters to call the UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE, where I have a Wally Mondale beef. A really, really, really big beef. Town Hall meeting? Is he nuts? I am not.

I DID NOT CALL THE D.O.J. >(202) 353-1555< COMMENT LINE AND SAY:

"THIS IS WILLIAM HUGHES. I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED EVERYTHING I OWN. I'VE BEEN READING A BOOK ABOUT THE KENNEDY FAMILY. I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD OF JFK AND RFK--THEY BOTH WERE KILLED BY ASSASSINS. THAT IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME. IN THE BOOK BY COLLIER AND HOROWITZ, IT MENTIONED EXECUTIVE ACTION CIA PLOTS AND A 'NIGHTMARE MARRIAGE BETWEEN THE INTELLIGENCE SERVICES AND THE MOB.' THAT IS ON PAGE 400. COULD THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHY I'VE BEEN ON FOOD STAMPS FOR TWO YEARS? WHERE DID MY SERIES EE AND SERIES I SAVINGS BONDS GO? WHO WAS 'JASON YEH' AND 'TERESA COLSON' AT PENSKE ON OLYMPIC AVENUE IN LOS ANGELES? HOW ABOUT 'DANNY KIM?' 'DAVE BAPTISTI?' 'DON MIKES,' THE VICE PRESIDENT? HOW ABOUT 'DAVE CARGO' AT PENSKE IN SAINT LOUIS? DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, BUT I THINK MANY ARE GOING TO PRISON OVER MURDER CONSPIRACIES, BECAUSE I HAVE MISPLACED MY OIL DRILLING BIT ON ALLEN PARKWAY IN HOUSTON. LOOK FOR MY E-MAIL AT askdoj@usdoj.gov. YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER, AND I WOULD NOT READ YOUR REPLY. HOW ABOUT A VISIT TO http://www.raf.mod.uk SO YOU CAN GOLDBRICK AWHILE AND READ-UP ON THE 'OTHER' AIR FORCE. WHAT IF I RUN FOR PRESIDENT, WIN, AND FIRE YOU ALL? THEN YOU CAN APPLY FOR FOOD STAMPS. I WAS A COOK AND JANITOR IN THE 1980'S. I CAN WORK TWO JOBS. ENGLISH ROYAL AND PRESIDENT? 'OILMAN' WOULD BE ENOUGH. FRANKLY, IT ALL SOUNDS NUTS TO ME, LIKE THE PARROTS AT THE PAWN SHOP IN CONCORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE, AND AT PENSKE ON ONLYMPIC AVENUE IN LOS ANGLES. THIS IS NOT A MONTY PYTHON EPISODE, IS IT? APPARENTLY, THOMAS JEFFERSON LIED, BUT I DON'T."