Another Dimension

Chinese kids? That's not funny!

"You're all set," they said in Concord, New Hampshire. Gardner, you have a problem already. NO CRIMES. NO SPYING. NO NAVY BLACKMAIL ON ME. [either one, ho! ho!] AND, HOW MANY MURDER ATTEMPTS ON ME? Did you say "poison?" Got plenty 'o samples. What was that crap? The CSI crew is tardy. I gotta what? Get elected to what?   

HUGHES WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE!

HUGHES WINS SOUTH CAROLINA!

HUGHES WINS FLORIDA!

POP--POP--POP "Down! Everybody down! Where's that *ocksucker? Gimme one of those guns! Aw, c'mon! Why not?"

INT. BJC BEHAVIORAL - NIGHT

A distressed woman runs up to MR. HUGHES.

WOMAN

Help! Some guy just hit me in the head!

HUGHES

Who are you?

RACHEL

Rachel Cowan.

HUGHES

I'm calling 911.

RACHEL

No, don't bother.

HUGHES

Why not?

RACHEL

I asked the witnesses in the waiting room. No one will talk. They're acting like it didn't happen.

Hughes makes a bee-line to the deaf & mute.

HUGHES

Somebody hit this woman? Where'd he go?

Three IDIOTS sit silently.

RACHEL

He ran out the door.

HUGHES

What's wrong with these people? Sir, I need your name.

SILENCE

Hughes goes to a telephone. Calls 911.

Later, police in blue arrive.

HUGHES

This is our friendly Saint Louis policeman in blue. He will help unstick your tongues, because I have to do an Incident Report.

POLICEMAN

Folks, we've got an assult here. The social worker needs your names.

Don't know about you, but E.T. is bringing me lunch tomorrow, right? No? Hmmm. May I call Jerry's office and tell him the cart march is getting too famous, and I really could open a bank account in Missourah, then when all at COMMERCE BANK are in jail, Marita and I (she's the other Kennedy) can go to Alice's place and.....

Have any governments fallen lately? Besides ours, that is. Or, should I call it "yours." I don't get out much, girls. I can keep a secret. Sure I can.

Not really.

"Interstate Eighty is closed. Do not go there. Repeating, Interstate Eighty is closed."