Can't help it if she was spy double-talking when she said...
BATTEN-DOWN THE HATCHES! HE'S WRITING ANOTHER DARING, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT EVER BE PRESIDENT, BUT AS ART MATTHEWS SAID IN 1972, "It's Hughes...by a landslide," I'VE BEEN "BRAIN-JACKED" BY THE "CUCKOO DISH" AND LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT, OH THAT'S RIGHT A CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL.
What's that over Minneapolis pilot he-man? "Generally bumpy. They were working the airplane all the way down." What does it mean? What does it mean? Uh, been there, done that. In the window seat. You know, back by your flight attendants, formerly known as a "Stewardess." Then they let gay boys onboard...something about rights I don't have, and have never enjoyed one day in the usa. The engines are back there, too. I liked to sit by them and listen to you ass*oles dick Nixon around. Flaps at thirty, and all that crap. I saw 'ya. I heard 'ya. May I run for president and tell the story of my old slaves at TWA throwing a turkey sandwich at me due to (they could not remain standing in the aisle)...did I write a screenplay titled "Turbulence" way before I found out I am...who? The engines are in back on a McDonnell Douglas DC-9, right? They are on the back of the Boeing 727, right? The tail is often still there in your average plane crash photo, right? "He's crazy!" No, I want the worthless FAA/NTSB to tell me why I got a few "Butt Massages" from the fanjets! Any problem, sir? Incident? What's that? It was Hughes on the aircraft. {Kill Bill! Kill Bill!} "We forgot it." "We have late-stage Alzheimer's." So in Marion, Illinois, sir! Scared? Never! Never in the air, anyway. Once on the ground. See the big Southwest Air 737? The tunnel. The pay phone. Oh, the drama!
"Dad, I don't feel good about this flight."
CHARLIE SAID: "Get on the plane."
WILLIAM THE FIFTH said, "I don't feel good about this. They'll refund the ticket. Aw shit, I don't care. I'm not boarding that thing."
CHARLES SAID: "Get on the plane."
WHO IS GOING TO PRISON AT SOUTHWEST AIRLINES?
I'm hoping CAROLINE KENNEDY is the new lawyer in my family, because you can't endanger a whole planeload full of people to scare Willie the 5. No, it is a crime. Allow me, "Mr. Outlaw," in the midst of california delusional robots to guess the charge. Something like, "Endangering the lives of passengers and crew?"
Let's hear it, spies!
He's crazy!
It never happened!
It's perfectly okay to fly into a Texas thunderhead!
The onboard weather radar was broken!
It wasn't that bad, you commie wimp!
No, let us get the facts straight. I AM FROM MISSOURI. WILLIAM KNOWS THUNDERSTORMS. WILLIAM KNOWS TORNADOES, AND I'D LIKE TO SEE A NASTY SQUALL LINE ABOUT NOW, BUT NOT FROM THE LEFT FRONT SEAT OF AN AIRPLANE (may I borrow one that flies fast and has many missiles?//we'll talk later).
Therefore, I sat there thinking, "He's going up? Why? These clouds are...what the *uck is he doing? BUMP--BUMP--RUMPPAPA--SHAKE SHAKE--CRACK--CRACK--RATTLE--RATTLE. "Aw, Christ, is somebody's overhead crap is gonna fall on my head." BOOM--BOOM. "Buddy, could 'ya do something.....anything? Use your imagination...up...down...this is not acceptable."
"WE" ALL KNOW WHAT THE CAPTAIN SAID ON CAB-8--SO IN JAIL!
To the fifteen (15) second commercial, and illuminati kooks, it's just not illegal. Ask the real Secret Service.
EXT: CONVENTION HOTEL SIDE DOOR - DAY
Hughes is about to duck into the same year, make, and model presidential limo as RONALD REAGAN sat bleeding in. He waves to the crowd like Ronnie.
A little NERD with funny glasses raises a handgun.
SOUND: POP, POP
HUGHES
Down! Down!
Hughes dives on to the ground.
Two SECRET SERVICE AGENTS stand, palms up, looking at the shooter, with body language that says, "Could you please shoot straight? Get Hughes!"
SOUND: POP, POP
The fire is now coming close to the Secret Service Agents.
Out come the Uzis.
CUT TO:
EXT. CROWD - CONTINUOUS
A large WASHINGTON, D.C. COP grabs the shooter nerd and drags him offscreen.
CUT TO:
EXT. CONVENTION HOTEL SIDE DOOR - CONTINUOUS
Hughes is up and brushing off the front of his jacket.
He points at the Secret Service Agents.
HUGHES
I gotta have a talk with you guys.
Hughes hops in the limo.
FADE TO:
Hughes-Kennedy
Famous Names, No Games
ON AUDIO FADE-OUT
HUGHES
(as audio fades)
What a bunch of deadbeats.
FADE TO BLACK
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