Old California Homeless Questions: Is it wet yet? Broken yet? Stolen yet? Did rodents eat it yet? Is it raining yet?

YOU DON'T WANT MY PROBLEMS, WHOEVER YOU ARE
777 American Express Way, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33337-0002

Blood pressure spiking at Hampton & Chippewa, Saint Louis, MO? Got a kidney infection, 102 temperature in the Burbank, CA Target, and a bunch of drug thugs staring at you? Illegal "cop stop" at the Newbury Park, CA store? How about a $30.55 shave the sales tax to get kooky numbers receipt? Today, I wish I had $30 to spend. How about a Ford Focus? Fiesta? Mazda 3? Fiat? [First, how about we "get real" on billions & billions of "Fiat Money," and I am not nuts enough to advocate for the closure of the Federal Reserve, like Ron Paul.]

Departures? It's a glossy magazine? Anybody affiliated with it have a real name?

STORY//BOOKBINDER//DIMSON//GREEN//SHOME//AKHTAR//VAN DE WALLE//NOVOGROD//GURL//SCROUGH*

*That one is not on the masthead. That would be my fake CA Driver's License if I were a spy out here. "Wil Scrough," not pronnounced as "will screw," but you might, because it's [not] a free country.

To the more probable, but "spy message" names, with explanations:

GREEN = Green Street in NH. And, it was Jack Nicholson, not a body-double.

GOODMAN = Yes, John Goodman is from Saint Louis, and I did in fact tell a spy I should take a script over to his restaurant. No "do-over," as that was 2006, and this is 2011.

SILVER = "No comment," as we want to keep all souls aboard alive.

KELLY = "No comment" on my trips to Austin, TX. Could I get a driver's license from Velasco Place? Do they check it out? Worth a try, Perry, you big, boorish jerk!

BLAND: We both smoked Camel straights. Here in fu-fu so gay CA, they are "shorts." I don't have the shorts. I own about a sixth of the world's wealth. A fifth? Yet another "Five Clue." [and no mafia, I'm not talking to you. Not today. Not ever]

POLLACK = A Saint Louis movie reviewer. Deceased? I would not know as a political prisoner in KookLAland.

WHITNEY = Mountain in California, and the name of my do-nothing housing caseworker at the Ventura County Human Service Agency (HSA). We'll get to "ISELLA" and her simulated sex acts in C-O-U-R-T. Right in the "welfare" waiting room, GOP! They're nuts!

ROSEBOROUGH: Roseborough Monument Co. On West Florissant by granny's old place. Go see my brother Michael's grave nearby, if you dare. Secret Service just might be watching the cemetary, however. Grave-robbers & whatnot. Get it, Ken-Ken? William = the "V-thing;" Charles = Daddy's name; Michael = Stillborn older bro, just like a Kennedy; Hughes = Howard Jr. & Howard Sr.

Name Trivia

When grandpa flew for TWA, he was "Charles Howard" [look it up, kooks!].

When I moaned to the Ithaca Times, I was "Hugh Billings." Get it? We both independently reversed our names, only "Charles" is my dad's name. In my case, the Bush 41 Russians went nuts! They took my picture and put it in the paper! (more than once). microfiche! microfiche! microfiche!

WILLIAMS = Mark? Dan? The CA town I was almost murdered in more than once [Kids, the "Polar Bear Bar Story" alone wins all of the TX Electoral votes. Grandpa mafia, may I leave town now? My Political Science professor? Can you ever give it a rest?